A Different Kind of Masquerade
by LillieGrey
Summary: Set during the missing year. Regina has a hard time letting go of the protective mask of the Evil Queen after all of the loss she's endured.


**_This is my entry for Outlaw Queen week day 1: Masquerade Ball. I was a bit liberal with my interpretation of the prompt, but hopefully you'll enjoy it. This is set in the missing year. Xx_**

She has always slept best in the middle of chaos.

Silence creates space for demons to grow and to fester. Dark, empty rooms leave an opportunity for lingering phantoms to appear and stalk from the dusky recesses of her mind into the waking, breathing corners of her consciousness and suffocate the moments of peace she desperately needs into nothingness. While everyone else in the castle is on high alert because of the approaching storm, she is secretly sighing in relief because she knows that tonight she will sleep. Amidst the turbulence of pounding rain, flashing lightning, and boisterous thunder her mind will finally quiet and sink into the comfort of oblivion that only sleep can provide. She will retreat to her chambers, peel off the protective shell of the Evil Queen and gratefully collapse into bed like a masquerade dancer who can finally remove her mask at the end of the ball.

It has been six months, three weeks, and four days since Storybrooke evaporated into a cloud of purple and green mist; over half a year since she sent the love of her life, her little prince, across the town line and into a safe and happy future; a future devoid of every memory of their lives together. Half a year filled with flying monkeys, pregnant princesses, Wicked surprise sisters, and an irritating thief and his charming little boy whose dimples make her heart ache and melt all at the same time. Six agonizing months of restless sleep, endless battles, and constant performance; whatever it takes to keep the mask of the Evil Queen intact so that no one will see how truly broken and untethered she is. But tonight none of that matters because tonight she will drift away into the blissful anarchy of a thunderstorm.

She has just pulled the last pin from her hair when the deluge begins. Fat, heavy drops of rain ping off her balcony railing and the air is filled with the scent of damp earth and ozone. She breathes deeply and exhales on a sigh as she crawls beneath the covers and burrows her head into the softness of her pillows as she waits for sleep to claim her, but sleep doesn't come. Within minutes the doors to her chambers are squeaking open and a small figure is creeping through the widening gap. A bright flash of lightning illuminates the room for a moment followed by a booming clap of thunder that has the tiny intruder releasing a terrified squeak and letting the door slip from his fingers and slam shut.

Regina immediately bolts upright in bed, fireball at the ready to fling at whoever dares intrude upon her privacy when another bolt of lightning flashes across the sky and allows her to glimpse a terrified Roland, plastered against the wall of her chambers, practically vibrating in fear. She instantly douses the flame in her hand, throws back the covers and pads her way over to the boy, crouching down to his height.

"Did the storm frighten you sweetheart?" She coos, reaching out a hand to brush the curls from his face.

The boy stares back at her, unblinking and simply nods his head. Another flash of lightning blazes outside the window followed by a rumble of thunder so loud the room practically vibrates from the force and Roland launches himself off the wall and into her arms, latching his arms around her neck and tucking his head securely under her chin. The force nearly knocks her backwards, but she stabilizes her footing and with the practiced ease of a mother she stands in one fluid motion and swings the tiny tot up onto her hip.

"Would you like to sleep here with me, at least until the storm has passed?" She asks him, ducking here head down so she can meet his eyes as she starts padding silently back towards her bed.

"Do you mind? Papa said never to bother you, but he's on patrol and I was scared and…" his babbling breaks off as another clap of thunder has him ducking his head and clenching his tiny hands painfully into her hair in fear.

"Shhh," she coos, rubbing his back and tipping his chin up to meet her eyes. "Of course I don't mind sweetheart, you can come to me anytime you need to," she murmurs with a gentle smile that ends with a little tap to his nose which causes a light giggle to erupt from the boy.

She shifts his weight completely onto one hip so she can free one of her arms to pull the covers further back before settling back into the bed with Roland tucked securely into her side. He immediately burrows into the warmth of her body, resting his head lightly on her chest and wrapping his little arms as far around her as they'll go.

"Go to sleep little one, you'll be safe here," she whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. When the next blast of thunder comes and Roland doesn't even flinch, she finally settles her head against the pillow, closes her eyes and falls into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

When he returns from patrol and find Roland's bed empty his first instinct is to panic, but then he remembers the boisterous storm from the night before and he has an inkling of where he will find his boy. He quickly changes out of his sullied clothes, drops his bow and quiver by his bed and then heads off through the castle corridors to the Queen's chambers.

The sun is still rising in the sky, casting brilliant shades of amber and magenta around the room when he silently opens the door to Regina's bedroom and slips inside. He knows he should have knocked, but the idea of disturbing her needlessly if Roland is not with her as he suspects seemed unwise. He silently stalks across the room to the edge of her bed and the sight before him causes the breath to catch in his throat and moisture to pool in his eyes. His son is indeed wrapped in the arms of the Queen, his tiny hands fisted in her nightgown, head pillowed on her chest releasing little puffing snores into the air that cause strands of her ebony hair to ebb and flow with each exhale.

He has never seen her like this, with her hair pillowed around her in inky waves, face completely scrubbed of makeup and totally at peace. In the few short months he's known her he has tried every trick he can think of to get behind the mask she so carefully dons each day in an attempt to cover her pain, but nothing has allowed him to break through for more than a few short moments. For months he has struggled to catch mere glimpses of the woman he knows is underneath, a woman who has lost so much, but who he knows is capable of so much love and warmth. All those months of trying, when all it took was a thunderstorm and the dimpled cheeks of his son to unmask the Evil Queen and fully reveal the woman underneath, the woman he has spent fleeting moments with and been fascinated with for half of a year.

It is in that moment, with the sun rising behind him and ghosting across her face, with his son wrapped in her arms that he knows he is in love with her. He is in love with the masquerade of the Evil Queen, the tight corsets, glittering jewels and acerbic wit, and he is in love with Regina, the woman behind the mask.


End file.
